ON BEING ALONE
what a busy night!
and the upshot of it all, well,
really rather sad:
I may have to let go of a waking life
friendship the same way I did hers
nothing dramatic
about it -- unless one counts the fact
that toward the dream's end
she was dying and I wanted so to be
there for her but she quietly ignored me
and the dream started
out with such shine, almost literally,
George Clooney starring
in a sci-fi scenario, he -- and all the
rest of us -- about to freeze to death
but he's determined
as hero to unlock one of the thermostats
frozen by the cold
or jammed with malicious will by some
alien creature on the space station
all our moods sparkle
as does the frost on his face plate:
he'll warm us again
.... then comes the segue to the next
scene: a simple doorway ingress of Mr. X
why he's so anxious
to show me the large cup/floor lamp he's
headed to install
in his room I don't know, but as always
Mr. X's smile can't be beat by any sunrise
even as he beams
at me, he's passing by, going someplace
else (he always is) --
he'd probably find it odd how nourished I
am by these fugitive encounters of ours ...
then, an odd, nascent
ménage à trois with a tall blonde young man
out of my lost past
and the woman mentioned above -- she's not
yet obviously ill, though acting withdrawn
but not from the man,
only from me, so much so that I wonder
why I'm even here,
and why he's trying to set down guidelines
and determine what the implications may be
a ménage à trois
can be chewed to death just like anything
else, and he and I
certainly have enough chemistry between
just the two of us as we talk and embrace
(hm, have I been the one
to put the woman away from me at some
deep level? is her
dying a strategic and necessary
withdrawal?) ... then there's her car
it waits at the curb
for her and a friend of hers I now realize
is always nearby,
I approach hesitantly to more closely
appreciate the beautiful blue tire covers
they've been macraméd
out of sisal in the same blue color
as the glistening
auto itself, and I remember that royal
blue is her favorite of all the spectrum
I bend to explore
one of the intricately knotted tire covers
but cut my urge short --
it's time for her to leave with no delay, and I'm
now willing to let her go, sans hurt or regret
she's been partnered all along and still is:
I'm the one who's been alone
[tanka series capped by a two-liner on a dream of 11-18-18. There was actually quite a bit more to this novella length dream. This tanka series reflects the highlights, the portions that hit home. Maybe I'll do something with those bits and pieces I left out some other time, maybe not. They're already fading away. In fact, I think those unrecorded bits were more like window dressing and even in some instances attempts to distract myself from the important, difficult stuff. Anyway, I can rest easy that if any of those bits are important they'll turn up in a future dream in some disguise or other (:-D). Photomorph "Frozen Fall" (11-18-18 017v8a) by Roswila]
PLEASE NOTE: in most browsers you can click on the above image for a larger version. Also, the photo accompanying a post is not necessarily meant to illustrate it, but to reflect some small, even slant aspect of the verse, similar to Japanese haiga (illustrated haiku).
There are many other sorts of posts on this blog. I indicate which are about or influenced by dreams. Some non dream focused posts are book reviews, "regular" poems (some by other writers), scifaiku, writing exercises, Tarot haiku, photos, haiga, and so on. However, most of those are in much older posts. There's a listing by month going back to early 2006, at the end of the sidebar.
* * * *
until next time, keep dreaming,
[a/k/a Patricia Kelly]
**** If you wish to copy or use any of my writing or poems, please email me for permission (under “View my complete profile”). Roswila's other blog (dedicated to her photos only, i.e. no poetry or other writing; daily post); TRYING TO HOLD A BOX OF LIGHT.
