GONE
the lucid watcher* confirms this is not only a dream
but based on a clear memory of decades ago, though
it seems an odd dream, being a re-living with nothing
new or the slightest bit surreal decorating it:
I’ve not been brought to the room I always get when
going on vacation to this white wood Inn on this
beautiful, small island, and do not like the one
the new owner takes me to instead (too close to
the front desk and its phones and other activity); and
when I ask if there is some other room I could see he
hurries me to one a distance from the main entrance, off
an empty balcony at the back of the Inn that gives me a
brief uh-oh feeling in my stomach: in this off-season time,
I’ll be way too isolated here, with few -- if any -- other
vacationers staying in the Inn; I even have a sense he’d
known I’d not like this room at all and then accept
the first he’d led me to, which is what I immediately
do, anxious to put my suitcase down and take a leisurely
walk through the fog into town for dinner; oh, and that
is another change: the restaurant down a flight of stairs
at the side of the Inn, is no longer there,
so my routine for dinners is also
shot
I never did go back to this beloved island I’d gone
to every year (sometimes twice) for 10 years,
and all these years since I’ve simply assumed it was
only because I could not afford to anymore – which was
patently true, I was sinking fast financially – but now
after this dream/memory I see that how I’d housed and
fed myself was as important as the long hikes along
roads and pathways that always ended up at a beach,
happily alone in all sorts of glorious weather; without
my familiar home base to take off from in the morning
and return to at dinner time, I’d felt lost, at loose ends,
unmoored, fearful even: that uh-oh feeing never quite
leaving the pit of my stomach no matter which in-town
restaurant I ate in or how much I indulged my appetite,
the security I’d always felt as I explored the little island
– rarely taking much note of my isolation but
reveling in it when I did –
was gone
[dream of 5-23-19, with comments. *"Lucid watcher," my way of describing the experience of not only being aware I’m dreaming as I am dreaming, but of watching myself as the one in the dream action. It was a very odd experience to so accurately dream a memory. But for the watcher “I” I may have thought it was actually happening. Have lots more thinking to do about this dream and my comments on it. So far, though, I’d say it’s an echo of how I feel about my life where I live now. What had been my joy is in pieces, gone. Now what do I do? Photomorph “Every Memory Has Its Shadow” (11-10-09 8105ev3[2]) by Roswila]
PLEASE NOTE: in most browsers you can click on the above image for a larger version. Also, the photo accompanying a post is not necessarily meant to illustrate it, but to reflect some small, even slant aspect of the verse, similar to Japanese haiga (illustrated haiku).
There are many other sorts of posts on this blog. I indicate which are about or influenced by dreams. Some non dream focused posts are book reviews, "regular" poems (some by other writers), scifaiku, writing exercises, Tarot haiku, photos, haiga, and so on. However, most of those are in much older posts. There's a listing by month going back to early 2006, at the end of the sidebar.
* * * *
until next time, keep dreaming,
[a/k/a Patricia Kelly]
**** If you wish to copy or use any of my writing or poems, please email me for permission (under “View my complete profile”). Roswila's other blog (dedicated to her photos only, i.e. no poetry or other writing; daily post);
TRYING TO HOLD A BOX OF LIGHT.
