Roswila's Dream & Poetry Realm

SEE ALSO: TRYING TO HOLD A BOX OF LIGHT (photos, realistic to abstract)

Friday, January 01, 2010


This was a rough month for me, to put it mildly, and the coming one is stacking up to be equally hard. Both physically and emotionally. The depression is still very much with me (doing that funny dance where it actually lets up for a bit every once in a while) and I’m beginning to move into new rooms here in the retirement community I live in. I’m only moving for the cheaper rent; I love the space I’ve been in here for two years. (Two years!?! I can’t believe it’s been that long already.) But I’m not making any headway financially, so I’m moving. I’ll be very happy once I’m in the smaller space, I just don’t want to do the work nor to go through yet another uprooting.

Couldn’t find any ‘ku below that struck me, except this really old one that I reposted:

space port guard
a lavender coating peels
off the white pearl

I can still see that scene so clearly in my mind’s eye.

As to my change in dream recall that I mention a lot below, it eased as I thought it would once I began to seriously pay attention to my dreams again. Part of my New Year’s resolution is to pay closer attention and to incubate dreams as well. For anyone who doesn’t know, incubating a dream is simply requesting something particular from one’s dreams as one falls asleep; I also have the request written down before getting into bed. And the night’s dreams almost always in some way reflect what was asked for. The first dream of January 2010 was a response to incubation and will appear in the January post.

Hope your New Year is Healthy, Happy, and Prosperous!


[PLEASE NOTE that in most browsers you can click on the image for a larger version.]

December 1, 2009


looking great from behind
in her silk pantyhose
Oprah Winfrey

she asks me something
from over her bare shoulder
I don’t quite listen

are you dieting
and exercising, I interject
her mild annoyance

[dreamku series on a dream of 11-30-09. Image by Roswila]

December 2, 2009


they ask my friend and
me to be guests for a night
new-age women’s group

the leader requests
we go around the circle
introducing ourselves
by name and especially to
mention which heart type we are

my turn to speak first
how can I be heard over
all their chatter

I speak up asking
respectfully for quiet
and what’s my heart type

a young dark haired gal
yanks roughly on my skirt hem
I’ve angered the group

so much for focus
on knowing our hearts, I say
my quick exit

sadly it’s no shock
when my friend stays with them
by myself again

[dreamku series with one dream tanka on a dream of 11-09-09. Image by Roswila]

December 3, 2009

space port guard
a lavender coating peels
off the white pearl

[old dreamku -- slightly edited today -- on an old dream of 7-27-07. I’m in one of those times in which dream recall continues to be minimal or none at all, so I went through really old previously posted dreamku. I can still see this dream in my mind’s eye: dark deep space all glittery with stars in the background of a space ship. At what is the large space port is a huge pearl like object that guards it and some sort of lovely lavender color peeling away from its curved surface. Never quite got a sense of the dream’s “meaning” back then and still don’t. I just enjoy the visual imagery, the vastness of space, and most of all, the color lavender. Image by Roswila.]

December 4, 2009


a red haired young man
has taken a shine to me
it’s not returned

his muscles displayed
he works his comedy act
is this stalking

the moon rises as
he approaches me again
a whiff of my own fear

[dreamku series on a dream of 12-03-09. Image by Roswila]

December 5, 2009


the young man’s a fire sign
as are most of the women
my Venus in Sagittarius
I just about fit in

a deeply deaf man’s
astrology system:
he’s confused by it’s symbols
just like the rest of us

a new discovery
potatoes may generate
electric surges

the puzzled deaf man
I have to put my lips
against his large ear
this touching’s awkward, as is
yelling what I don’t fully know

[two dream tanka and two dreamku on a dream of 12-4-09. *Estolian was the actual name he “said” in the dream. I googled and found “The Parlimentary Kingdom of Estolia” in a sword and sorcerer type of fantasy game online. So, not only is this guy deaf he’s into fantasy, big time. Though I must admit he seemed a bit irritated with the system. I’m struck by an association to all the star (astrology) talk and that quote that it’s not the stars’ fault that “we are underlings.” (BTW, my Venus is actually in Sagittarius, which is a fire sign.) I also find the contrast between “airy fairy” astrology and the unstable fire element, and something as earthy and concrete as a potato quite intriguing. And I happen to love potatoes! I don’t think the dream is necessarily advising I eat more of them. But it may be suggesting I partake more of what gives me joyful, grounding energy – the things of the earth – and forget about getting lost in the stars for now. When I went to sleep, I had asked my dreams for advice with my on-going difficult mood, so this sounds like the answer for the time being. Image by Roswila]

December 6, 2009


a woman I admire
sits next to me and smiles
friendly extension

she’s moving away
but will come back often
I want to know why
she thinks I mean her reason
for returning to visit

her surprise answer
to the question I’d not asked:
you’re why I’ll come back

[two dreamku and a dream tanka on a dream of 12-3-09. Image by Roswila]

December 7, 2009

I’m overjoyed when
we decide to get married,
even though he’s gay
and my feet are smelly
he seems to desire me

[old dream tanka on a dream of 5/4/09. Did not understand this back then and don't now. Anyway, no decent dream notes from last night, so I'm posting this old one. Image by Roswila.]

December 8, 2009

Still no decent dream recall or notes to work with, so I'm posting just a photo. It's raining here today. (Much needed and with hopes the rain expected the rest of the week continues to come at an absorable rate, or there could be mud slides where there've been recent wildfires.) And since I'm in a rather prickly mood, this picture fits both objectively -- those are rain drops on the spine tips, not dew -- and subjectively. [Image by Roswila]

December 9, 2009

two men I know well
lie buried by the blow up
sand suffocates

too late it’s said:
when a blast starts hold on
to your head and mouth

[dreamku pair on a dream of 12-8-09. Image by Roswila]

December 10, 2009


nakedness covered
only by my large towel
up elevator

I decide not to
go with her to her office
my dear friend’s mother

they’d all just be
very uncomfortable
gripping the towel
over my heart I accept
how they’d feel and stay on

[two dreamku and a dream tanka on a dream of 12-09-09. Image by Roswila]

December 11, 2009


they ask my friend and
me to be guests for a night
new-age women’s group

the leader requests
we go around the circle
introducing ourselves
by name and especially to
mention which heart type we are

my turn to speak first
how can I be heard over
all their chatter

I speak up asking
respectfully for quiet
also my heart type

a young dark haired gal
yanks roughly on my skirt hem
I’ve angered the group

so much for focus
on knowing our hearts, I say
my quick exit

sadly it’s no shock
when my friend stays with them
by myself again

[dreamku series with one dream tanka on a dream of 11-09-09. (This may be a duplicate posting.) Image by Roswila]

December 12, 2009

Still no decent dream recall and/or notes, and don't have the energy or inclination to go through old stuff. So here's a very recent photo of mine. It's been a rainy few days, which is just about what my mood's been like, too -- damp and deeply chilly. One of those persistent moods that feels like "This is it, forever..." But things always do seem to change. In fact I'd say that's about the only certainty in life: things always change. That, and that what seems like a curse is sometimes a blessing in disguise. Image by Roswila]

December 13, 2009

a neat row of books
in her flowery print chaise lounge
overflow library

[old dreamku on an old dream of 2-14-09. This one has always put me in mind of Stef, the wonderful roommate I had before leaving New York city (seven good friendship years). She's a children's librarian, and loves and collects books. I can just imagine her using a chaise lounge to happily house books that wouldn't fit anywhere else in her home. Maybe all the fabulous books I know she's buying for her first child, Liam, who just turned a year old last month. Image by Roswila]

December 14, 2009

I've been doing a lot of complaining here about the difficult and overwhelming time I'm going through. I did remember at least to post about my gratitude on Thanksgiving day, but I think it's time to put in out to the Universe again that I am endlessly grateful for my new life in California. Image by Roswila.

December 15, 2009

he strokes me, oh
so very intimately
languid bed partner
does he really want this
more to the point do I

[dream tanka on a dream of 12-14-09. Image by Roswila]

December 16, 2009

we look at the scars
silvery small round wounds
we sense a puppy
wants to escape out of each
as we smooth the scars over

[dream tanka on a dream of 12-15-09. Image by Roswila]

December 17, 2009


I trail my fingers
over his muscled bare chest
his eyes open wide
blue surprise and a slight smile
greet my downward advance

soap opera star
do I care if this hot
young thing is acting

[dream tanka and a dreamku on a dream of 12-16-09. There’s more than metaphor in that title, by the way. I was literally too hot last night but feeling way too icky -- coming down with a head cold -- to get up and turn down the heat. I’ve noted over the years that being physically hot while sleeping frequently generates sexy dreams, though I wasn't thinking that when deciding to leave the heat up. Of course, there’s still why my dreaming mind chose that particular male in that particular scenario, making for an interesting inquiry. Image by Roswila]

December 18, 2009


my longtime good friend
measures my upper arms
medieval gowns

which style will she choose
my fear that even measured
neither will fit me

[dreamku pair on a dream of 12-17-09. Image by Roswila]

December 19, 2009

things being shrunk
so they fit the space allotted
others being enlarged
in a towering stack
so I can see them clearly

[dream tanka on a dream of 12-18-09. Image by Roswila (the main entrance gate to the retirement community I live in is on the middle left of this view)]

December 20, 2009


renewing colors
of faded hypertext links
recurring task

yellow middle ground fuchsia characters bracket

[dreamku and dream monoku on dream of 12-19-09. These colors are probably all the more significant since the dream itself was about color. “Seeing” color in dreams is unusual for me, so when I’m up to it I’ll go to my notes on COLOR IN DREAMS by Bob Hoss. Google for his work if you are interested; I find it very helpful with those few times color shows up in my dreams. Hm, I’m now struck that fuchsia has been more and more appearing in the few color dreams I have. OK, I’ve got a couple good starting points -- plus my long association of bright color in both waking and dreaming life to emotion -- when I have the energy to pursue this dream. Image by Roswila]

December 21, 2009


the birds steal back
the bread slices we’ve taken
and plastered up
in the dream I draft a tanka
about this back and forth

we stick fuchsia bread
vertically on a door
it’s quickly announced
that the slices are sliding
as the door begins to thaw

[an old previously posted dream tanka pair on a dream of 4-7-09. Image by Roswila]

December 22, 2009


they only lip-synch
the bootie dance song I wrote
rapper’s convention

I sit just outside
the huge native healers’ circle
drumming in the park
she hands me a small bandaid
I can’t find where I’m bleeding

[a dreamku and dream tanka on a dream of 12-22-09. Image by Roswila]

December 23, 2009

No dream recall of any interest and I had a rough day (think I got too active too fast after the flu, plus some difficult interactions) so I'm not inclined to dig out an old dream/ku. Instead here's just a photo of one of my favorite trees around here. From another angle it looks like Ganesh trumpeting. This view, though, rather expresses my somewhat "twisted" take on things right now. [Image by Roswila]

December 24, 2009

No dream recall of any interest again, but at least I had a busy interesting day supporting a friend. Life's rough, sitting outside Starbuck's, sipping diet coke in the bright sunshine, and snapping pix with that same good friend. The above brand new picture (with my brand new camera, more on that at a later date) is from the garden leading up to our main office. I call it "Christmas Garden Garland," and it's right behind a large creche scene. Image by Roswila]

December 25, 2009


[Image by Roswila, taken in a Santa Barbara mall... Daily Dreamku is immediately below...]

she scours the drunk tanks
to give her sodden friend praise
for something she’d done
but I know praise means nothing
when all her friend wants is to drink

[dream tanka on a dream of 12-24-09. Image by Roswila]

December 26, 2009


she crops another
photo in the series from
his screened-in window
this will be the first viewpoint
framed briefly by balsa wood

layers of close ups follow excluded framework

[dream tanka and monoku on a dream of 12-24-09. Image: "The Golden Bough" by Roswila]

December 27, 2009


they don’t invite me
to join their reading circle
taken for granted

she approaches me
from outside their tight group
young dark-haired stranger

she’s surprised to learn
how I old I really am
friendly new neighbor

she leads me along
a new perspective emerges
from the tall buildings

we can’t yet see her home looking for window light

[dreamku series capped by a monoku on a dream of 12-26-09. Image by Roswila]

December 28, 2009


a stranger answers
the phone call to my old home
no one I ask for
is at the celebration
I hear in the background

tempus fugit
I’m not sure I want to meet
so many new folk

[dream tanka and dreamku on a dream of 12-27-09. Image by Roswila]

December 29, 2009

she coaches me
in singing the alto part
“stark and bringer, stark....”

I can’t make the bottom note her accepting smile

[dreamku and monoku on a dream of 12-27-09. Image by Roswila]

December 30, 2009


taking landscape shots
through the car window
soft coral sunset

sudden fog rolls in
the road disappears in grey
she keeps on driving

my panic what are you steering by I demand

[dreamku pair with a monoku on a dream of 12-29-09. Image by Roswila]

December 31, 2009


we are each assigned
particular lines to read
the show’s history

she can’t comprehend
and won’t try to improvise
the cast’s frustration

he hands me my part
as he hurries to the stage
dress rehearsal

I recite my line
from a seat in a front row:
Trash, trash, trash...

[dreamku series on a dream of 12-25-09. Image by Roswila (I'm embarrassed to admit this is my room; only defense? I'm preparing to move to another room soon.)]

* * * *

‘til next time, keep dreaming,

**** [aka: Patricia Kelly] **** If you wish to copy or use any of my writing or poems, please email me for permission (under “View my complete profile”)****My other blogs: ROSWILA’S TAROT GALLERY & JOURNAL and ROSWILA’S TAIGA TAROT, and Yahoo DREAMJIN: Group for Dreamku – Haiku-Like Dream Poems ****