DAYS OF FUTURE PAST (photomorph) & LONG BEFORE (dream narrative) by Roswila

LONG BEFORE

he informs me (rather too casually) that
my woman friend of all those years ago
had been a very good, thoroughly trained
and licensed massage therapist; hell, he
must know (being as close to me as he is
and reading all my poetry as he does) how
this suddenly revealed fact from the past
would be a shock, and even more so, hurt
my feelings; no, not that his telling me hurts,
but that she never did, that she kept such a
central aspect of herself a secret only
from me, and this, long before her dementia
tugged her away from us all; and I sigh (so
many sighs in this late end of life, almost
a new breathing pattern: sharp, deep,
quick), she must have been voluntarily
keeping a distance between us, all along,
well before her failing memory was even
a blip on the horizon; and now I begin to
mourn not only the loss of her friendship
but my understanding of what that friendship
had been: the shallows far greater than
the depths I'd thought we shared ... how
can a dying illusion be as painful
as an actual death


[narrative on a dream of 9-8-18. The following comments are an example of how a dream of mine is sometimes only the preamble, if you will, to something I need to think about and/or do: Of course, after working on this dream I added silently to myself "It's all illusion, anyway, isn't it?" And taken in the Buddhist perspective, it is. However, to embrace this is not to be pain free, but (if I understand correctly) not to suffer over it. What's that expression? "Pain is inevitable, suffering isn't"? So I suppose the hitch is to feel the pain and let it evolve, let it become something else, just as everything in life ultimately does. I've been acutely aware recently of how close the past of decades ago seems to be in memory. When I think, say, of something that happened 40 years ago, I wonder how it can not only still be so strong, but still have such an effect on me. The struggle becomes, more and more, to let passing time pry me loose from relating to memories as absolute and prescriptive. It's more than past time to do so. And today is already slipping away into memory ... Photomorph "Days of Future Past" (8-17-18 008v8) by Roswila]

PLEASE NOTE: in most browsers you can click on the above image for a larger version. Also, the photo accompanying a post is not necessarily meant to illustrate it, but to reflect some small, even slant aspect of the verse, similar to Japanese haiga (illustrated haiku).

There are many other sorts of posts on this blog. I indicate which are about or influenced by dreams. Some non dream focused posts are book reviews, "regular" poems (some by other writers), scifaiku, writing exercises, Tarot haiku, photos, haiga, and so on. However, most of those are in much older posts. There's a listing by month going back to early 2006, at the end of the sidebar.

* * * *

until next time, keep dreaming,

[a/k/a Patricia Kelly]
**** If you wish to copy or use any of my writing or poems, please email me for permission (under “View my complete profile”). Roswila's other blog (dedicated to her photos only, i.e. no poetry or other writing; daily post); TRYING TO HOLD A BOX OF LIGHT.