PRAYING TO LOSE MY HEAD, by Patricia Kelly

PRAYING TO LOSE MY HEAD

Oh, Deity of Blinding Light,
my unknown father,
free me from this head
of mine, cut this obstacle
from my knotted neck
in one clean swipe

Relieve me of its weight
of eyes that see as through the darkest glass
of ears that hear only ancient echos and newest fears
of a mouth stained deeply by bitterness
of a nose that is not inspired of spirit

Then do not rush to comfort my Great Mother
but let Her grief echo in the emptiness
that bleeds where my misunderstandings roiled
before your blade’s release

Let Her tears flood over me until
You are moved to gift me with a new
way to comprehend

And until this gift, I will wait unknowing
in the flooding darkness, knowing only
that You will keep Your promise
of transformation

Background: One of Ganesh’s titles is “Remover of Obstacles.” I wrote this poem on first day of Ganesh Chaturthi 2007 (September 15), inspired by the story of Ganesh’s origin: Before Ganesh had an elephant’s head, he was guarding His Mother Parvati's bath. He and His father, Shiva, did not recognize each other, and when Ganesh refused Shiva entrance to Parvati’s bath, Shiva cut off Ganesh’s head. Parvati’s grief was so overwhelming that Shiva went out into the jungle and cut off the head of the first animal He saw, an elephant, and made it Ganesh’s new head.

I’ve had this poem in my stack of possible future posts since September, well before I knew I'd be moving to California. And reading it again today I find it intriguing given all the mental and emotional letting go being required of me as I prepare to make this move cross country. Then there are all those moments when I do feel as if I am losing my head with all the worry, and all that has to be figured out and coordinated. (Not to mention the overwhelming flood of memories as I go through a lifetime of things collected.) However, ultimately I always come back to the joy of it all, to recalling why I am going through this. Of course, it remains to be seen what the intangible results will be once I’ve made the move and am acclimated. How will I have changed? I have an inkling, actually, it will not so much be that I will have changed as that I will have come back to a self who’s been in suspension for years. This inkling and the curiosity it generates also pulls me forward when I am feeling overwhelmed or stuck, and praying for transformation.

* * * *

‘til next time, keep dreaming,

Roswila
[aka: Patricia Kelly]
****If you wish to copy or use any of my writing or poems, please email me for permission (under “View my complete profile”)****My other blogs ROSWILA’S TAROT GALLERY & JOURNAL and ROSWILA’S TAIGA TAROT.