OUTSHINING THE SHADOWS (photo) & THE LONELY ROMANCE (free verse dream poem) by Roswila

THE LONELY ROMANCE

I'll probably remember this series of dreams
as my personal Chippendales review:
as in my waking life, their act's an
awfully tame one on the surface
(little flesh revealed) but hugely
disruptive inside where I live
and try to go on breathing

tonight's dancer? that too familiar guy
who's always at the top of the bill;
no matter another male takes
center stage, he's the one
outshining the shadows

for his center stage act tonight he's just his
same self, nothing odd or unexpected,
in fact, way too normal, for I could
wish for a wild, out of the blue
dream experience of him,
but negatory

he simply helps me in some way and I am at
ease with this; but it's never been ease
I've had with or wanted from him,
and therein might lie the heart
of our disconnect: peace
(salted with sex) being
his requisite

and I need the entire ride I've never had with
anyone: the courtship -- that roller coaster
ride of falling in love (salted with
sex), and what man at this end
of life cares to deal with
that old story

so he goes on helping me, teaching in some
way, and I go on accepting it all, sadly
grateful for even this much of his
presence and attention: it's a
lonely romance I live with,
one sided but all too real


[free verse poem on a dream of 12-8-17. In case it's not been obvious, I've been dreaming about men regularly recently. And, though I may not have indicated this in my comments to the dream poems, they all have been in major ways about men in my life now (sometimes, a composite figure with men out of my past). It occurs to me that this situation is a sort of classic one, expressed in many a Harlequin/Silhouette romance book. I will only speak for myself in addressing my particular need for courtship. That goes way back to childhood (and well on into adulthood) traumas at the hands of men and would require me to write a novella to explain it. I've probably said this here before: let me stress I've done a great of healing and forgiving, and even coming to compassion for the perpetrators (and myself: shame and guilt are the remains of those days). But those experiences formed me, and have left scars and hesitations. Oh, I am also learning a great deal from the actual guy represented in this dream; rather, as I deal with my reactions to him. There are even times I'm grateful for all of the difficulty. As when the advent of serious arthritic pain helped me finally lose weight and keep it off (from 356 lbs at my heaviest to, well, never you mind, suffice it to say it's tons less now). Pain and struggle do have their unexpected and even welcome results sometimes. Photo "Outshining the Shadows" (12-6-17 005v5b) by Roswila]

PLEASE NOTE: in most browsers you can click on the above image for a larger version. Also, the photo accompanying a post is not necessarily meant to illustrate it, but to reflect some small, even slant aspect of the verse, similar to Japanese haiga (illustrated haiku).

There are many other sorts of posts on this blog. I indicate which are about or influenced by dreams. Some non dream focused posts are book reviews, "regular" poems (some by other writers), scifaiku, writing exercises, Tarot haiku, photos, haiga, and so on. However, most of those are in much older posts. There's a listing by month going back to early 2006, at the end of the sidebar.

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until next time, keep dreaming,

[a/k/a Patricia Kelly]
**** If you wish to copy or use any of my writing or poems, please email me for permission (under “View my complete profile”). Roswila's other blog (dedicated to her photos only, i.e. no poetry or other writing; daily post); TRYING TO HOLD A BOX OF LIGHT.