SCIFAIKU: Response to One Single Impression Prompt of 5/11/08
MORPHING CHIYO-NI
The prompt this week at ONE SINGLE IMPRESSION is "warm." Before I share my scifaiku in response I need to do a little explaining. Every once in a while a member of the scifaiku writing list I participate in will suggest we "morph" a haiku by a haiku Master into a scifaiku. So first is the haiku, then my scifaiku "morph":
change of kimono:
showing only her back
to the blossom's fragrance
(by Chiyo-ni, woman Haiku master)
showing only her back
to the blossom's fragrance
(by Chiyo-ni, woman Haiku master)
change of state
turning their proud backs
to the Nova's flare
(my "morph" into a scifaiku)
I think a Nova's flare would be considerably warm. :-) Please visit ONE SINGLE IMPRESSION (link above) to see others' always intriguing responses to the week's prompt.
* * * *
‘til next time, keep dreaming,
Roswila
[aka: Patricia Kelly]
****If you wish to copy or use any of my writing or poems, please email me for permission (under “View my complete profile”)****My other blogs ROSWILA’S TAROT GALLERY & JOURNAL and ROSWILA’S TAIGA TAROT, and Yahoo DREAMJIN: Group for Dreamku – Haiku-Like Dream Poems.
Labels: haiku, One Single Impression, scifaiku
posted by Roswila @ 11:22 AM
25 Comments:
How interesting and clever are your scifaiku... Thank you for commenting at my OSI post.
I like your imaginative alteration to the original. In the process I wonder how many of your readers see the emotional and psychological changes you made to the original as well.
Chiyo-ni's original seems erotic both for the undressing, but also for the fragrance of the flower. It is possible to conjecture a lover who is privileged to see the rest of her 'blossom' before him.
Psychologically her poem can instead show the shyness or demureness of her protagonist, who won't display herself even in private and to a mere plant.
Or it shows someone who is hiding her true self from the world, or it shows someone cut off completely from society and gives us a glimpse of what we're missing. These meanings fit her biography very well.
All these meanings are possible in her original. To know which, much depends on her actual original words and the connotations those words had in her place and time.
'Change of kimono' is the seasonal reference here, as the lady changes from clothes appropriate for one season to those that fit the new one. It suggests that eroticism is not the intent of the poem's mood.
Meanwhile your poem is far more direct in telling us about your 'proud' people. Too proud to accept that their world has come to its end, they refuse to accept that mere nature can end their 'state'. Too proud to have done anything to avoid this fate by leaving a doomed planet.
It's a very different poem altogether, yet just as revealing of the poet's psychology. I enjoy reading your work so much.
oino
Thanks for your thoughtful, informative response, oino. I really enjoyed and learned from it.
I've always had alternating impressions of Chiyo-ni's haiku. From a sort of rejection on one hand, to a delicate shyness on the other. I've never seen it as erotic, per se. At least not in the woman. But maybe the oberserver could be said to have had some erotic thoughts! :-)
I realize a woman wrote this, but had I not known it, I might wonder about erotic thoughts on the writer's part. (Though obviously, one could still wonder.) This raises an issue in reading poetry sometimes (any creative writing actually): Is the reader to assume the writer is the observer, or is a separate observer implied in a scene? And more so, to whom should/can the feelings/thoughts of the observer (whether the writer or another) be attributed? Can we attribute those feelings/thoughts to the writer or are they the creation of her imagination?
It's probably obvious (LOL!) but when I morphed her exquisite haiku I was aiming only to mimic the form of it. Use its "nuts and bolts" as a scaffolding on which to hang my scifaiku. I did not hope to convey the implied/ possible inner lives of the observed, observer, and maybe additionally the poet herself. (All of which you beautifully describe in your comment.) I do completely own the content of the scifaiku as my own, pride and all. :-)
Thanks again for your comment. Do it again sometime? Yes?
These variations on pride are startling--one of modesty, the other, of foolishness. Thank you.
Writing in Faith: Poems
I enjoyed both haiku and the wonderful discussion in the commments as well.
Such different motivations for turning your back. I really enjoyed reading the informative comments.
Wonderful post. I love the haiku of Chiyo-ni.
A Nova would certainly be warm.
In haiku I think the poet is always the observer (or should be) but the reader needs to be free to make their own observation and their feelings even if opposed to the poet's are equally genuine.
Your morph is well created.
Hi Mandy,
Yes, I agree with you that in haiku the observer is ideally the writer. Of course, then there's the Zen tradition of haiku writing where an observer or "I" or "me" is said not to be present. I have always found this a bit odd, because even when not clearly written into a haiku, by virtue of having been written an observer/I/eye is present.
What I question even more -- in reading any poetry -- is a tendency to attribute what one sees to be the thoughts/emotions of the character(s) (which includes the observer) to the author. I.e., there is a distinction between the observer written into/implied within the poem and who actually wrote the piece. I see this kind of attributing when reviewers/biographers psychoanalyze a writer based on the characters and situations they've written about. Not that who we are as authors doesn't deeply inform our work. But I worry that by analyzing a writer's work in this way we could be "understanding" the shining moment right out of it. Not to mention misunderstanding the author her/himself.
Just some more thoughts by someone struggling even more to be truly in a moment (imagined or otherwise), than to write about it. :-)
Thanks for visiting!
Hi Princess Haiku,
I enjoyed your blog, especially those lovely rose photos. There's a small beautiful rose garden only yards around the corner from my new studio apartment (in southern CA; I just moved from New York City 3 months ago).
I had the wonderful paperback collection "Chiyo-Ni: Haiku Master" but it was among the many, many books I gave away when I made the move here from NY. (Shipping costs were prohibitive.) I just checked on Amazon to see if maybe I'd reorder it...choke! Not available in $16.95 paperback, and used copies start at ... $100! Sheesh. I'll do some more internet searching to see if this holds true across the board. But it does reflect her worth, doesn't it? :-)
Thanks for dropping by.
Beautiful imagination in this. I too enjoyed the conversation here, and most definately, your 'morph'!
How very interesting and beautiful. I have learned something new again!
I call this transcreation. I have recently done one for a Maya Angelou poem. It is the top post. However, my OSI post is:
warm feelings
Oh goodness - I just learned so much! :)
Haiku is realitively new to me, thanks to bloggerland. Scifaiku is a total knew one! I look forward to coming back to learn more! :)
Well that works well. I am going to look into this scifaiku, sounds interesting.
Is the font I am using on my haiga easier to read? If not, let me know, and I will try something else.
Hi gardenpath,
Yes, your font works just fine on your post, at least for my aging eyes! (See the comment to yours I just left for more...)
Hi texasblu,
I'll never forget when I stumbled across scifaiku, just about 10 years ago. I was a newbie on the internet, and one of my first searches was for "haiku." And up popped this odd thing called scifaiku. LOL! I was totally delighted to find scifaiku as I've been a scifi-fantasy fan since childhood. Some of the folk I met online back then writing and learning about scifaiku (and haiku) are still teaching and inspiring me online.
Hi gautami tripathy,
Yes, it can be a wonderful way to learn about the various possibilities of language to write in another poet's style and/or footsteps.
Here's a link to "morph" I did of a famous poem by William Carlos Williams:
morph of WCW poem
My "version" is based on one of my dreams and is offered with all apologies to WCW. (His poem is also in the post.) With mine I did my best to mimic his form and rhythm, and his faithfulness to the "is-ness" of things. This raises for me that famous quote of his "No poetry but in things." Which can certainly be said to apply to haiku.
gee ros... this is an excellent post... have enjoyed reading yr scifiku posts... enlightening read... as well as all the comments... recently readwritepoem had a prompt for scifiku and included a link to yr place... so gave a whirl at scifiku.. also read the link for the morph of WCW poem... excellent readings on both accounts...
Hi one more believer,
Ah, so that scifaiku prompt did go up on readwritepoem. She'd asked a while back if it would be OK and I all but jumped at the opportunity to share the idea of scifaiku more widely. :-)
Glad you enjoyed that WCW poem morph idea. It was quite something to write and I should try it again with another author's poem.
I can go to bed content now. I've got in a lot of learning from the comments in this post and can call it a day. Fascinating stuff.
You certainly created much conversation, and that is always a very good thing. To me, the first is alluring and mysterious, the second proud and defiant.
Every time I read one of your amazing scifaikus, I keep remembering that I should try and write horror haikus. I am sure it can be done...
Hi spacedlaw,
OOOh, yes, write some horror 'ku! (BTW, scifaiku covers scifi, fantasy, horror and space/cosmic themes.)
I've written a few horror 'ku over the years. This one I posted in a One Deep Breath prompt response some time back:
unreflective
she styles her long hair by touch
petulant vampire
And here's another very old one of mine:
gate crashers
they enter through
the back of my skull
Most of my horror 'ku, though, tend to the slightly humorous like this one:
an ego for lunch
hungry again in one hour
psi-vamp on the prowl
Have fun in the dark if you do try some horror scifaiku. :-)
What a lovely response to this week’s OSI theme! I enjoyed both the ‘original’ and your ‘morph’ of this piece … and found the ‘conversation’ in comments informative as well. There’s so much I don’t know about all of this, but I love learning.
Thanks for visiting my Week 11 OSI post at Small Reflections. I shared another ‘take’ at Sacred Ruminations ;--)
Hugs and blessings,
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