RISING WITH THE BEAT (photomorph) & WISH FULFILMENT? VANITY? WHO KNOWS... (narrative on two dreams) by Roswila

WISH FULFILMENT? VANITY? WHO KNOWS ...

dream one:

I've been invited to try out for a part in a big screen movie
based on my pretty face -- and most certainly not my age
and weight, which numbers are as high
as they are in waking life

the response to the casting call is humongous, the venue
for the auditions is the size of an air plane hanger,
there are so many people milling about with no
signs or organization whatsoever that I'm
shocked when a producer walks right up
to me, clearly recognizing me

he's delighted to find me here and says he looks forward
to working together on the movie, he takes my face
between his hands, a smile on his own as he looks
closely at me, mumbling that the picture
he'd seen didn't do me justice

then he asks what make-up I use and I say none at all,
not in a great many years, he smiles and says good,
that he should have realized that, then adds that
I will be wearing make-up for the movie, but
only as protection from the harsh klieg
lights and artificial weather elements


dream two:

I have a slew of little drums, none bigger than
my own hands, and have lots of fun playing
them by myself like a kindergarten kid
surrounded by empty cereal boxes and
other containers that echo nicely
when thumped on

then a vague female friend enters, encouraging me
to try out larger drums; a male friend of hers
-- a professional drummer -- comes up to us
just as I start tentatively tapping at the
tight skin head of a djembe* that has
manifested out of nowhere

it's an unusual djembe, in some ways much like
a doumbek, and it has a rim that curves up
and out for a few inches, shaped of egg shell
white plastic to resemble carved elephant
horn, in a large loopy-lace pattern

I have a delightful time as I drum, despite being
acutely aware of the attractive professional
drummer watching me closely as I try out
different beats and even get some high
tinkling bell tones by hitting the rim
"lace" just right -- fast and brief

I then take full command of the drum by sitting
down and wrapping my legs around it so I can
get a better whaling-purchase on the head;
the guy comments in a positive way to his
woman friend, who stands watching
us both from a distance

I still feel vaguely apologetic as I don't drum in any
established patterns -- I just make them up as I
go along -- and he is a trained musician, but it
feels so good in my torso, bones, hands,
ears, and in some deeper place in my
blood, to be doing this again:
it's been way too long


[narrative on two dreams of 8-22-18. Much like yesterday's post, I'm tempted to say this is "much ado about nothing." Or at least about very little. As I edited it all this morning I was struck by the contrast between big and small. Don't know what to make of that, but will think on it. The first dream is quite a puzzlement. Other than my yearning still to be considered attractive. Hm, it just hits me: maybe also the sense I'm no longer starring in my own movie. Is there even a role for me anymore in this life? Even if only for something as unimportant as a pretty face. (Yeah, I've been in a rather down mood for some time.) However, I've had many drumming dreams over the past 30 or so years, but none recently that I recall. I used to do some "improv" drumming "back in the day." Never owned, but drummed on many a *djembe. I had a doumbek at one time, and still have a large frame drum, but haven't played it in probably 8 years. Also have a large Udu drum just gathering dust in my closet in the strapped carrying case I crocheted for it years ago. I'm beginning to get a sense of these dreams: I don't feel as if I'm in my own life anymore, nor is what I love in it. Maybe simplistically put, but it does say it. Ah! A contrast between the two dreams hits me: the first is about how things look, the second about how they feel. The first, outer oriented, the second inner. Or, the first about how I've been perceived (what others project on to me?), and the second on what I have and still want to experience and do. Ack, this is one of those jam packed, complicated nights of dreams I may never satisfactorily untangle from its protective metaphors. Photomorph "Rising With the Beat" (7-28-09 4466v2k) by Roswila]

PLEASE NOTE: in most browsers you can click on the above image for a larger version. Also, the photo accompanying a post is not necessarily meant to illustrate it, but to reflect some small, even slant aspect of the verse, similar to Japanese haiga (illustrated haiku).

There are many other sorts of posts on this blog. I indicate which are about or influenced by dreams. Some non dream focused posts are book reviews, "regular" poems (some by other writers), scifaiku, writing exercises, Tarot haiku, photos, haiga, and so on. However, most of those are in much older posts. There's a listing by month going back to early 2006, at the end of the sidebar.

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until next time, keep dreaming,

[a/k/a Patricia Kelly]
**** If you wish to copy or use any of my writing or poems, please email me for permission (under “View my complete profile”). Roswila's other blog (dedicated to her photos only, i.e. no poetry or other writing; daily post); TRYING TO HOLD A BOX OF LIGHT.