CROSSINGS (photo) & THAT MAN I'VE NEVER LIKED, or "Crossroads of a Life" (dream narrative) by Roswila

THAT MAN I'VE NEVER LIKED
(or "Crossroads of a Life")

that man I've never liked starts
chatting me up more casually and,
at the same time, more tenaciously
than he ever has before and for some
reason that I don't even bother to try
to figure out, I let him, and not only
that, enjoy it; we walk almost like old
friends around a huge city plaza that
has many little sidewalks among
stairways both up and down, and
trees to the sky, but still manages to
be mostly concrete over the dark
earth; the sunny day reflects our
shared mood as he notes that we
seem to be running into each other
a lot more these days and that he's
hoping I don't mind if he takes
advantage of that, this last with a
flirtatious tone, one he's never
used on me for all the chatting up
he's tried to do over the years; he asks a question that I start to answer in my usual fashion: referencing my traumatic past in a convoluted way, but I stop and laugh as I say, "No, no more of that way of understanding and relating, I'll let it suffice that my answer to what you asked lies now quietly at my center, the nucleus around which everything else spins;" he nods with a sweet smile curling at the edges of his mouth; I sense a growing
attraction between us and almost start
to tactfully end what I believe would
be a bad idea for us both, but I don't,
and the warm sexual tension between
us continues to rise; I begin to think
that the only way to see if this could
actually work for us will be to give
it a go ... "Say what!" I think, with
a small chill, recalling how actively
I've not liked him and for how long
but, then again, who can tell what
might go on behind closed doors?
just as I resolve to give us a chance
we approach some very wide and
high concrete steps down; as I near
the first step the biggest obese man
I've ever seen hobbles up the stairs,
everyone else starting down rushes
aside to give him space, but I just
want to keep going and move on to
the stairs, passing him by easily while
actually managing to keep my own
all too readily disturbed balance;
the stairs seem even longer down now
that I'm on them and I get impatient,
and develop a way of skiing along them
on my sneakered feet by not letting my
full foot hit the step but only skimming
the edge with the toes of my sneakers;
this works wonderfully well and I make
quick, steady progress; that man I'd
never liked does the stairs behind me
in a normal way and pace, commenting
from his distance behind me, on my
cool style and speed and just how did I
learn to do that? where all this is going
I realize I haven't a clue, but it sure is
fun to be doing old things I've found
very difficult, in new ways: taking on
the huge challenge of stairs, all while
getting to know a man I'd never liked

[narrative on a dream of 3-13-18. Just in case it's not obvious, the insight in the "crossbar" (i.e., the widest) section is in my estimation the most important in the dream. For most of my life, friends have often asked me to answer them in 20 words or less ... LOL! ... and I'm only now at 74 years of age getting what that convoluted verbosity of mine has been about ... and that I can safely and happily let most of it go. I only say "most" because there are times when an in-depth answer is crucial. However, the majority of my verbose and complicated answers have come out of defensiveness, which was based in my history of having been abused, heavily criticized/ disliked, and very misunderstood/ misinterpreted. I do not mean to suggest that I'm the only one to experience such things. Just that at a young age my response became to explain, in (sometimes nauseating, from what others have told me) depth. Believing that understanding cures anything. Only now am I recognizing that that Freudian take on things is true only a small part of the time. Maybe a bit helpful when applied to ourselves (and only if we don't cling to it all as protections and/or excuses), but far less when we expect and attempt to educate others into those same understandings. An exercise in futility, to say the least. Oh, lest I forget: Happy St. Patrick's Day! (It used to mean a little more -- not a lot, but somewhat -- back when I thought I was almost half Irish. And then I had my DNA analysis done and found out I'm only 4% Irish! (The even bigger surprise: I'm 24% Scandinavian. Yeah, those Vikings sure did get around, didn't they?) Photo "Crossings" (7-7-09 3436v2) by Roswila]

PLEASE NOTE: in most browsers you can click on the above image for a larger version. Also, the photo accompanying a post is not necessarily meant to illustrate it, but to reflect some small, even slant aspect of the verse, similar to Japanese haiga (illustrated haiku).

There are many other sorts of posts on this blog. I indicate which are about or influenced by dreams. Some non dream focused posts are book reviews, "regular" poems (some by other writers), scifaiku, writing exercises, Tarot haiku, photos, haiga, and so on. However, most of those are in much older posts. There's a listing by month going back to early 2006, at the end of the sidebar.

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until next time, keep dreaming,

[a/k/a Patricia Kelly]
**** If you wish to copy or use any of my writing or poems, please email me for permission (under “View my complete profile”). Roswila's other blog (dedicated to her photos only, i.e. no poetry or other writing; daily post); TRYING TO HOLD A BOX OF LIGHT.