ALL DAILY DREAMKU, TANKA, & DIGITAL PHOTOS POSTED IN SEPTEMBER 2010 by Roswila
Another tough month. (“So, what else is new?” as my stepmother would say with a smile.) This dreamku series from August 26th is one of the few lightly hopeful dreams:
THE WIZARD CAN WAIT
we enter the store
not at all sure if we’ll shop
sunny day at the mall
I’m surprised when she
puts her arm around my waist
just an acquaintance
we start belting out
“We’re off to see the Wizard...”
she sings alto quite well
as I fumble through the
melody I thought I knew
no shame, no blame, she
can’t recall the tune either
ambling along
we laugh and look around the Wizard can wait
There’s much reference in my comments below to books I’ve been reading, especially about the recent developments and new understandings in neurobiology. Google any of the neuroscience book titles or authors and you’ll find web pages with lots of information. I think these advances in understanding offer a lot of hope. The only thing I find myself really questioning is the whether Mind is just a result of the brain’s incredibly complex activity or if it has some other origin. Most of the reading seems to come down, if only implicitly, on the side of the former idea. I’m not so sure what I think at this point. Though the former viewpoint does seem to be an extreme reductionism in the face of the fact that what it is examining is endlessly complex and still not entirely known.
If nothing else all the reading I’m doing and then commenting thereon gives me a few timeouts from my emotional “sturm und drang.”
ALL DAILY DREAMKU, DREAM TANKA, AND PHOTOS BY ROSWILA POSTED IN AUGUST 2010
[PLEASE NOTE that in most browsers you can click on the image for a larger version.]
August 1, 2010
SURPRISE, SURPRISE!
behind the paintings
arrayed on the sunny wharf
the placid sea
I enjoy noting
the rounded elements in one
her own impressions
another painting’s
famous and centuries old
she names the artist
I had not known
she was both knowledgeable
and talented
my surprise both surprises
and gently amuses me
[dreamku series capped by a tanka on a dream of 7-31-10. Image by Roswila]
August 2, 2010
WHY ME
King Henry the VIII
seeks throughout the castle grounds
for young slim me
dark robes don’t camouflage
the distortions of great weight
and the burdens of kingship
[tanka on a dream of 8-2-10. Image by Roswila]
August 3, 2010
A STRANGE/R’S GIFT
I wander around
distracted by my grief
earth grass and a log
become my focus as I
almost trip and fall
the dark stranger at
my elbow steadies me
a shimmer by the log
catches our gazes
and he bows to check it out
a surprise palm full lost or sacrificed
he hands them to me
five small flat rose quartz crystals
on a silver chain
somehow he knows that
I should look at them slowly
his gentle instruction
the first I finger
on the chain is the largest
as well as palest
like a faded sunset on
a snow covered mountain peak
[two dreamku, a monoku, and three tanka on a dream of 8-2-10. Image by Roswila]
August 4, 2010
THE APARTMENT
the apartment’s dark
and filled with stuff to toss out
I start organizing
a plant’s quite healthy
and only needs attention
why do they want to
throw out these strong striped leaves
that almost light up the room
I busy myself
placing this plant and others
thoughtfully around
a young man tells me each time
what to do as I do it
his presumption my dislike of being bossed
[a dreamku, two tanka, and a monoku on a dream of 8-3-10. Image by Roswila]
August 5, 2010
BEAT THE CLOCK
forty-five minutes left
and I’ve not written
her introduction
nor am I dressed and ready
to leave for the ceremony
maybe I should cancel
they could get someone else
I’m just a helper
then I notice the clock
it’s early morning not night
there’s plenty of time
relief floods one less thing to hate myself for
[a tanka, two dreamkus and a monoku on a dream of 8-5-10. What doesn’t get acknowledged in the label of perfectionism are the horrendous fears that drive it. The amygdala of a triggered perfectionist would light up the entire night sky, I’ll bet. Image by Roswila]
August 6, 2010
A DEVIL OF A TIME
the devil is in
the little puppy-kitten
safely put away
or so he says and so he
most fervently believes
it’s locked away but
we know the puppy-kitten’s
not under control
we insist the man go back
and do something about it
his grave sadness
is no different than ours
evil’s still afoot
there’s no stuffing this puppy-
kitten-devil away
* * * * * * * *
A KNOTTY PROBLEM
only one knothole
captures her full attention
radiating light
she does not like being drawn so
even by this sparkling beauty
a spirit tells her
this knothole is hers to guard
and stand by always
just this one and no other
no matter she feels pinned down
spirit’s pale presence
and soft musical voice
compel her action
she walks up to the knothole
it sparkles a bright welcome
[two tanka series on two separate dreams of 8-5-10. I note that the director of dream action is from a vague “we” in the first dream, to a lovely spirit in the second. (I’m tempted to think of it as “Self” – with that capital “s” – as in Jungian psychology, but doubt it.) Here’s a non-dream-based tanka I wrote a while ago about an actual knothole:
Abstraction
a shining knothole
in the desk top at work
I swirl down into
long ago memories of shapes
radiating mystique and hope
This is clearly the source for the knothole image, as before sleep I was reading a scientific paper about implicit memories and neuroscience in a particular form of psychotherapy. Also, for a while I have been examining and trying to work with implicit memories and how they have influence without it even being conscious. And though at the time I wrote the tanka I was consciously referencing art images, as in poems and abstract art, these too can have everything to do with implicit memories. Image by Roswila]
August 7, 2010
THE RETURN OF THE GODDESS
I wish to purchase
the unique desk top sculpture
Goddess of Three Realms
air rises through water
shaping the Goddess in Her
water earth and air
aspects one after the other
regal and iridescent
Her Willendorf form
naked and nearly abstract
appears last in the cycle
of forming and unforming
in the water cylinder
I’ll have to lock it up each night fear of theft
[a dreamku, two tanka, and a monoku on a dream of 8-6-10. Here’s a link to Elizabeth Cunningham’s Amazon.com page. She’s the author of a book by the same title as this dreamku series. I’ve read all books on her author’s page except her most recent one. All highly recommended. Next, here’s a link to the Wikipedia page about the Willendorf Venus. Although clearly there's speculation about this little "Venus," she's often considered to be a paleolithic Goddess figure. Many, many years ago I made my own version of this Goddess out of dough art. Image by Roswila]
August 8, 2010
LONG HAIRS
she wants to go out
much later in the evening
party in a club
although not ready
and with no clothes picked out yet
I’d rather go soon
my worry mounts about how
we’ll each do up our long hair
I still rush to prepare unstable situation
[a dreamku, tanka, and monoku on a dream of 8-7-10. Image by Roswila]
August 9, 2010
GETTING OLD
I tell her husband
I was surprised at my age
thirty-six years
his new short haircut
looks great and shines soft silver
I got my age wrong
his moue sixty-six I say chagrined
[two dreamku and a monoku on a dream of 8-9-10. Image: "Roswila Titlting Toward 67," taken by Kim, cropped and lightened by Roswila]
August 10, 2010
FORGET ABOUT IT
I’m closely checking
the crowded indoor garden
what can’t I find
sudden rapid growth
out of a plump beige bulb
long fuchsia stamens
I forget my search
the gardener needs pictures
of this joyful surprise
as I snap photos
from various angles
a day passes by
again unexpected
red stamens pop from a bud
I vaguely recall
I’d been looking for something
but fuchsia stamens
now have my full attention
as I snap more photographs
[three dreamku and two tanka on a dream of 8-9-10. Image by Roswila]
August 11, 2010
A QUESTION OF IDENTITY
everyone tells him
he's something else
bearded companion
the truth? he's
Portugese-Australian
one confused alien
[old dreamku pair on an old dream of 8-25-07. Image by Roswila]
August 12, 2010
we store unused things
in an empty cubicle
next to a packed one
much stuff stored in the full one
looks all too familiar
a male friend points to
a crate that might hold the corpse
we call the police
[an old tanka and dreamku on an old dream of 10-10-08. The conscious reason for choosing this one to post today is that my before-sleep reading is currently a murder mystery in which stuff discovered in storage space starts the plot rolling. This dream can also be seen -- with not too much stretching -- as a metaphor for another book I'm reading, "Being a Brainwise Therapist." (About applying the recent advances in neuroscience to improve the effectiveness of psychotherapy.) The incredible "storage capacities" of our brains and when, what and how everything gets stored and retrieved is, if not surprising, still rather a lot to take in. Image by Roswila]
August 13, 2010
SUNFLOWERS
I do not like nor
will I adhere to all their
dietary rules
this woman’s group draws my
interest nevertheless
her kitten and I
curl together on her rug
nap in the late sun
I wake suddenly
have I overstayed my welcome
in this new friend’s home
another visitor
points to the cloth sunflowers
on the wall near me
she says they represent
“the anger behind”
[two tanka and two dreamku on a dream of 8-13-10. Image by Roswila]
August 14, 2010
the flesh above
that ancient heart wound puckers
the body remembers
[an old dreamku on an old dream of 5-25-07. The more I read into recent neuroscience findings, it confirms that the body is crucial in bringing implicit -- what could be called "unconscious" -- memories into consciousness where they can be appropriately tended to. Image by Roswila]
August 15, 2010
WORKING IT OUT
he tells me to get
the stationary I made
incorporating
my leafy golden photo
new high level employer
I unfold one sheet
of the sturdy long paper
what will be its text
[a tanka and a dreamku on a dream of 8-14-10. Image: "Spider Rock," by Roswila]
August 16, 2010
IMPROV GROUP
our music improv
group gathers for rehearsal
I warm up my didj
playing a few delicate
bell-like over tones
we decide I’ll play
my didj for our next show as
our kids come on stage
each will hold and speak about
a large drawing of their home
shy kids don’t project my playing will be soft
[two tanka and a monoku on a dream of 8-15-10.
[“didj” – short for didjeridu (or didgeridoo), an Australian aboriginal drone wind instrument traditionally made from the branch of a eucalyptus tree, that I actually play. “Over tones” – a musical note is actually made up of several “partial” different pitch notes, the dominant one the lowest of those in a note. An over tone is a higher one (often called a “harmonic”) that the musician may chose to “break out” and make more dominant. It’s hard to do –at least for me – on a didj and I’m not very good at it, though I can get a whispy faint over tone at times. I’m seeing how music improv groups make a good model for how our own psyches/brains organize themselves and accomplish all they do in any given fraction of a second. Image by Roswila of my two didjerdus on moving-in day (that’s a small rainstick on the left on the floor and an Udu drum in front of the didj’s)]
August 17, 2010
envy
the clairvoyant race
feels no emotions
[an old dreamku on a dream of 11-13-06. This dream/ku actually was only a very small fraction of a science fiction story that I was writing in the dream. A future human race that had colonized a far planet had evolved without amygdalae. Which meant they had no emotions but that they were tremendously clairvoyant. In the story I was planning to explore what possibilities there were for an intimate relationhip between the main character -- a human from old earth with an amygdala, and an amygdala-less but clairvoyant man. Both with their weight of "ghosts" -- the former trailing the emotional past and the latter pulled forward by the formless future. BTW, this was before I knew anything of the amygdala's relationship to emotions. I envied the clairvoyant race a bit in the dream. And I do still sometimes feel a brief bit of envy over folk who apparently (operative word: apparently) have a far less intense emotional life and struggle therewith than I do. Image by Roswila -- note that vague lemniscate in the middle top clouds; the clouds low down middle were vaguely rainbow colored]
August 18, 2010
LEARNING TO DANCE
we need to disarm
the triggering system
desire for safety
during our new performance
with skilled and unskilled dancers
we disconnect three
small round black and white eyes
palpable relief
the mood pops awareness of a backup trigger
[a tanka, dreamku, and monoku on a dream of 8-17-10. Ain’t it the truth? Just get relaxed and feeling safe (inwardly or with another person or persons) and some other defense alarm sounds off. Image by Roswila]
August 19, 2010
WITHHOLDING
he wants me to read
The Tarot cards for him
this mobster Don Juan
his black eyes narrow
as he whispers his demand
“The truth, only the truth”
about the three concerns
he has on mind to address
and that’s all he’ll say
even though I can only
read The Tarot not
his dark anxious mind bearing
so many tangled secrets
his withholding will be his loss I start shuffling
[a dreamku and three tanka on a dream of 8-18-10. Image by Roswila]
August 20, 2010
DISTANCING
separation from him
necessitates I pummel him
distance achieved
my guilty feelings
he hands me brand new shoes
for my trip downstairs
they won’t fit why would I accept them anyway
[two dreamku and a monoku on a dream of 8-18-10. Image by Roswila -- this is an Isla Vista house that UCSB students rent rooms in; it's barely a block from the sea and maybe six blocks from where I live]
August 21, 2010
STAR-CROSSED HOOKUP
their attraction is strong will either make a move
he asks her to join
him on his investigation
she’s not dressed or packed
female friends of his
sidetrack her with a subtle trick
she’s abandoned nude
she calls him for help
and to report their betrayal
his own emergency
with his sick son and ex-wife
clearly takes precedence
the sound of water
splashing in a bath tub
he submerges his
unconscious blond toddler son
to bring down his high fever
next rescue his ex-wife cool water cradle
[two dreamku, two tanka, and a monoku on a dream of 8-18-10. Image by Roswila]
August 22, 2010
THAT SINKING SENSATION
surprise! the rich
spoiled teenage boy was treated
for booze and drugs
he makes sarcastic
comments about the therapists
laced with wild stories
of what fun his last binge was
my stomach sinks with sorrow
[a dreamku and a tanka on a dream of 8-22-10. Image by Roswila]
August 23, 2010
KIDS’ PLAY
the theatre actors
offer a wide range of games
and activities
the wooden floor boards creak
as children come and go
our two small kids
hold back cautiously
gigantic costumes
in loud colors on some actors
swirl unpredictably
we hear of a game
that will put black and white stripes
all over kids’ hands
only temporarily
with a small effort and no pain
to assure my child
I say I’ll do it with her
we choose striping gloves
hot water appears
instructions to pick one hand
to dunk and dye
and not to let the water
cool too much by each bowl
I choose what I think
is a left hand glove to wear
it has six fingers
once on I see
it's a right hand glove – leave it
to me to get it wrong
even when offering help --
I quickly switch hands
[dreamku and tanka series on a dream of 8-23-10. In my personal dream vocabulary the theatre often symbolizes the drama of the alcoholic family, and/or denial. I think both of those inform this dream. But the single biggest input may be all the right and left brain/neuroscience reading I’ve been doing. Seems to be some attempt to calm and reassure a kid aspect of myself, and clearly not yet coming from the right place or brain hemisphere. Could not stop wondering about that six-fingered glove. It was tugging at something. So I googled and was reminded that some ancient symbols -- such as that of a six-fingered hand -- were considered particularly effective in warding off malignant influences. Hm! Image by Roswila]
August 24, 2010
haunting images
refuse to leave my side
during the day time
long lost relationships salt
my dreams with a wish to forget
The above photo is a very new one. (Is that palm smoking or just growing a ghostly new frond?) Here's another shot below. I'm not sure which I like best. Possibly this second as the cloud is a bit more defined:
[Above images by Roswila]
August 25, 2010
PUELLA/PUER
curly auburn hair
frames his handsome young face
trainee watchmaker
he tapes a list of gold notes to
his side of a plate glass window
“1790
to 1853"
records his life span
meaning he’s sixty-three
and choosing to remain young
“Jewish of the Jewish
faith” indicates that he’s
both born within and
deciding to be faithful to
the Jewish tradition
will his pursuer
finally comprehend
this eternally young
and bright magnetic man
is not the right partner
[four tanka on a dream of 8-20-10, written 8-24-10. As I wrote the above series on the dream last night I clearly saw either the Jungian concept of the Puella Aeternus or the Puella Animus. Here’s a link to the Wikipedia page on these Puer/Puella concepts. Very simply put the Puella (Aeternus or Animus) is an immature male aspect of the female psyche, though like “all archetypes, the puer [puella in the woman] is bi-polar, exhibiting both a ‘positive’ and a ‘negative’ aspect. The ‘positive’ side of the [puella] appears as the Divine Child who symbolizes newness, potential for growth, hope for the future.” The negative exhibits a sense that for “the time being one is doing this or that, but whether it is a [wo]man or a job, it is not yet what is really wanted, and there is always the fantasy that sometime in the future the real thing will come about.... The one thing dreaded throughout by such a type of [wo]man is to be bound to anything whatever.” Common dream symbols for this archetype are dreams of being bound, chained, or imprisoned; note this dream man is behind a plate glass window. Peter Pan is a classic example of a Puer figure and I’ve had many dreams of him. (Though I will note in later years Wendy also actually appeared. Image: "Not the Last Unicorn" by Roswila]
August 26, 2010
THE WIZARD CAN WAIT
we enter the store
not at all sure if we’ll shop
sunny day at the mall
I’m surprised when she
puts her arm around my waist
just an acquaintance
we start belting out
“We’re off to see the Wizard...”
she sings alto quite well
as I fumble through the
melody I thought I knew
no shame, no blame, she
can’t recall the tune either
ambling along
we laugh and look around the Wizard can wait
[three dreamku, a tanka, and a monoku on a dream of 8-25-10. Image by Roswila]
August 27, 2010
THE FIRST PAIR
I
loneliness less risky
I fly up to avoid the truth
in her pale eyes
the night sky echos all around
like a familiar tunnel
II
he’s a detective
and supposedly my friend
group gathering
his verbal betrayal
in front of everyone
stuns me speechless
he then reports others’
negative takes on me
terrible deep hurt
and hot bloody anger flood
in nauseous waves
I clear my head long enough
to gather my wits
no wish to defend
or explain myself remains
I will leave them all
[three tanka and two dreamku on two separate dreams of 8-26-10. Image: "Subrosa" by Roswila]
August 28, 2010
LEFT AT THE ALTAR
a man I don’t like
offers to marry me
I say yes to him
as friends have prepared it all
and I’d been left at the altar
we reschedule
and I start getting re-dressed
not much time left
a handsome friend comes in
to talk about the wedding cake
he tells me that
two more of my good male friends
have arrived in time
I rush and follow him out
to the office wedding space
my substitute groom’s a no-show too my amusement
all my friends and I
go on with the reception
affection abounds
[three tanka, a monoku, and a dreamku on a dream of 8-27-10. The amusement in the dream is still with me. My take in a Jungian sense is that this is about the “inner marriage” we go through in becoming more whole, more “individuated.” Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit it seems I’ve failed at this most important inner task twice! By the way, I recall reading that the “inner bride groom” or was it the animus – this whole post is making me feel silly :-D – often appears in dreams as a somewhat negative character, though usually more criminal than just unliked. (Boo-hoo, I can’t even have a correct inner bridge groom or animus image.) At any rate, I’m twice the failure at making this marriage. Image: "Waltz of the Brides" by Roswila]
August 29, 2010
the free piles of clothes:
are we stealing if we need
and take so many
[dreamku on a dream of 8-28-10. Image by Roswila]
August 30, 2010
WHO CARES
the recording’s complete
it will play when needful
in the garden planter
hidden beneath white flowers
it waits fully rewound
time has come
the recording plays completely
as designed to do
it’s warning clear in the twilight
did you rewind I ask the man
of course not I think
and reach into the planter
the tape whirrs backward
he could not care less
about the time, expressing
interest only
in the woman in the house
hiding behind the curtains
she doesn’t like to be seen he says who cares I think
[three tanka, a dreamku, and a monoku on a dream of 8-29-10. Image by Roswila]
August 31, 2010
CENTER STAGE
Barack Obama
at a high school recital
packed auditorium
he speaks fluently
from a wood podium
students in tutus
flutter excitedly on stage
they ask Obama
to join them in their new
exercise-ballet routine
he quite quickly learns
the choreography
from the all girl group
his moves not quite graceful
his legs revealing tension
[three tanka on a dream of 8-30-10. I felt like I had a grip on this dream as I was writing the dreamku but now I’m not so sure. I’m beginning to think it’s about staying in “learner’s mind,” if you will. And coping with my inevitable perfectionism. Also, some urging here to exercise, in whatever way I can. Exercise is actually “center stage” of this dream. Image by Roswila]
[PLEASE NOTE that in most browsers you can click on the image for a larger version.]
August 1, 2010
SURPRISE, SURPRISE!
behind the paintings
arrayed on the sunny wharf
the placid sea
I enjoy noting
the rounded elements in one
her own impressions
another painting’s
famous and centuries old
she names the artist
I had not known
she was both knowledgeable
and talented
my surprise both surprises
and gently amuses me
[dreamku series capped by a tanka on a dream of 7-31-10. Image by Roswila]
August 2, 2010
WHY ME
King Henry the VIII
seeks throughout the castle grounds
for young slim me
dark robes don’t camouflage
the distortions of great weight
and the burdens of kingship
[tanka on a dream of 8-2-10. Image by Roswila]
August 3, 2010
A STRANGE/R’S GIFT
I wander around
distracted by my grief
earth grass and a log
become my focus as I
almost trip and fall
the dark stranger at
my elbow steadies me
a shimmer by the log
catches our gazes
and he bows to check it out
a surprise palm full lost or sacrificed
he hands them to me
five small flat rose quartz crystals
on a silver chain
somehow he knows that
I should look at them slowly
his gentle instruction
the first I finger
on the chain is the largest
as well as palest
like a faded sunset on
a snow covered mountain peak
[two dreamku, a monoku, and three tanka on a dream of 8-2-10. Image by Roswila]
August 4, 2010
THE APARTMENT
the apartment’s dark
and filled with stuff to toss out
I start organizing
a plant’s quite healthy
and only needs attention
why do they want to
throw out these strong striped leaves
that almost light up the room
I busy myself
placing this plant and others
thoughtfully around
a young man tells me each time
what to do as I do it
his presumption my dislike of being bossed
[a dreamku, two tanka, and a monoku on a dream of 8-3-10. Image by Roswila]
August 5, 2010
BEAT THE CLOCK
forty-five minutes left
and I’ve not written
her introduction
nor am I dressed and ready
to leave for the ceremony
maybe I should cancel
they could get someone else
I’m just a helper
then I notice the clock
it’s early morning not night
there’s plenty of time
relief floods one less thing to hate myself for
[a tanka, two dreamkus and a monoku on a dream of 8-5-10. What doesn’t get acknowledged in the label of perfectionism are the horrendous fears that drive it. The amygdala of a triggered perfectionist would light up the entire night sky, I’ll bet. Image by Roswila]
August 6, 2010
A DEVIL OF A TIME
the devil is in
the little puppy-kitten
safely put away
or so he says and so he
most fervently believes
it’s locked away but
we know the puppy-kitten’s
not under control
we insist the man go back
and do something about it
his grave sadness
is no different than ours
evil’s still afoot
there’s no stuffing this puppy-
kitten-devil away
* * * * * * * *
A KNOTTY PROBLEM
only one knothole
captures her full attention
radiating light
she does not like being drawn so
even by this sparkling beauty
a spirit tells her
this knothole is hers to guard
and stand by always
just this one and no other
no matter she feels pinned down
spirit’s pale presence
and soft musical voice
compel her action
she walks up to the knothole
it sparkles a bright welcome
[two tanka series on two separate dreams of 8-5-10. I note that the director of dream action is from a vague “we” in the first dream, to a lovely spirit in the second. (I’m tempted to think of it as “Self” – with that capital “s” – as in Jungian psychology, but doubt it.) Here’s a non-dream-based tanka I wrote a while ago about an actual knothole:
Abstraction
a shining knothole
in the desk top at work
I swirl down into
long ago memories of shapes
radiating mystique and hope
This is clearly the source for the knothole image, as before sleep I was reading a scientific paper about implicit memories and neuroscience in a particular form of psychotherapy. Also, for a while I have been examining and trying to work with implicit memories and how they have influence without it even being conscious. And though at the time I wrote the tanka I was consciously referencing art images, as in poems and abstract art, these too can have everything to do with implicit memories. Image by Roswila]
August 7, 2010
THE RETURN OF THE GODDESS
I wish to purchase
the unique desk top sculpture
Goddess of Three Realms
air rises through water
shaping the Goddess in Her
water earth and air
aspects one after the other
regal and iridescent
Her Willendorf form
naked and nearly abstract
appears last in the cycle
of forming and unforming
in the water cylinder
I’ll have to lock it up each night fear of theft
[a dreamku, two tanka, and a monoku on a dream of 8-6-10. Here’s a link to Elizabeth Cunningham’s Amazon.com page. She’s the author of a book by the same title as this dreamku series. I’ve read all books on her author’s page except her most recent one. All highly recommended. Next, here’s a link to the Wikipedia page about the Willendorf Venus. Although clearly there's speculation about this little "Venus," she's often considered to be a paleolithic Goddess figure. Many, many years ago I made my own version of this Goddess out of dough art. Image by Roswila]
August 8, 2010
LONG HAIRS
she wants to go out
much later in the evening
party in a club
although not ready
and with no clothes picked out yet
I’d rather go soon
my worry mounts about how
we’ll each do up our long hair
I still rush to prepare unstable situation
[a dreamku, tanka, and monoku on a dream of 8-7-10. Image by Roswila]
August 9, 2010
GETTING OLD
I tell her husband
I was surprised at my age
thirty-six years
his new short haircut
looks great and shines soft silver
I got my age wrong
his moue sixty-six I say chagrined
[two dreamku and a monoku on a dream of 8-9-10. Image: "Roswila Titlting Toward 67," taken by Kim, cropped and lightened by Roswila]
August 10, 2010
FORGET ABOUT IT
I’m closely checking
the crowded indoor garden
what can’t I find
sudden rapid growth
out of a plump beige bulb
long fuchsia stamens
I forget my search
the gardener needs pictures
of this joyful surprise
as I snap photos
from various angles
a day passes by
again unexpected
red stamens pop from a bud
I vaguely recall
I’d been looking for something
but fuchsia stamens
now have my full attention
as I snap more photographs
[three dreamku and two tanka on a dream of 8-9-10. Image by Roswila]
August 11, 2010
A QUESTION OF IDENTITY
everyone tells him
he's something else
bearded companion
the truth? he's
Portugese-Australian
one confused alien
[old dreamku pair on an old dream of 8-25-07. Image by Roswila]
August 12, 2010
we store unused things
in an empty cubicle
next to a packed one
much stuff stored in the full one
looks all too familiar
a male friend points to
a crate that might hold the corpse
we call the police
[an old tanka and dreamku on an old dream of 10-10-08. The conscious reason for choosing this one to post today is that my before-sleep reading is currently a murder mystery in which stuff discovered in storage space starts the plot rolling. This dream can also be seen -- with not too much stretching -- as a metaphor for another book I'm reading, "Being a Brainwise Therapist." (About applying the recent advances in neuroscience to improve the effectiveness of psychotherapy.) The incredible "storage capacities" of our brains and when, what and how everything gets stored and retrieved is, if not surprising, still rather a lot to take in. Image by Roswila]
August 13, 2010
SUNFLOWERS
I do not like nor
will I adhere to all their
dietary rules
this woman’s group draws my
interest nevertheless
her kitten and I
curl together on her rug
nap in the late sun
I wake suddenly
have I overstayed my welcome
in this new friend’s home
another visitor
points to the cloth sunflowers
on the wall near me
she says they represent
“the anger behind”
[two tanka and two dreamku on a dream of 8-13-10. Image by Roswila]
August 14, 2010
the flesh above
that ancient heart wound puckers
the body remembers
[an old dreamku on an old dream of 5-25-07. The more I read into recent neuroscience findings, it confirms that the body is crucial in bringing implicit -- what could be called "unconscious" -- memories into consciousness where they can be appropriately tended to. Image by Roswila]
August 15, 2010
WORKING IT OUT
he tells me to get
the stationary I made
incorporating
my leafy golden photo
new high level employer
I unfold one sheet
of the sturdy long paper
what will be its text
[a tanka and a dreamku on a dream of 8-14-10. Image: "Spider Rock," by Roswila]
August 16, 2010
IMPROV GROUP
our music improv
group gathers for rehearsal
I warm up my didj
playing a few delicate
bell-like over tones
we decide I’ll play
my didj for our next show as
our kids come on stage
each will hold and speak about
a large drawing of their home
shy kids don’t project my playing will be soft
[two tanka and a monoku on a dream of 8-15-10.
[“didj” – short for didjeridu (or didgeridoo), an Australian aboriginal drone wind instrument traditionally made from the branch of a eucalyptus tree, that I actually play. “Over tones” – a musical note is actually made up of several “partial” different pitch notes, the dominant one the lowest of those in a note. An over tone is a higher one (often called a “harmonic”) that the musician may chose to “break out” and make more dominant. It’s hard to do –at least for me – on a didj and I’m not very good at it, though I can get a whispy faint over tone at times. I’m seeing how music improv groups make a good model for how our own psyches/brains organize themselves and accomplish all they do in any given fraction of a second. Image by Roswila of my two didjerdus on moving-in day (that’s a small rainstick on the left on the floor and an Udu drum in front of the didj’s)]
August 17, 2010
envy
the clairvoyant race
feels no emotions
[an old dreamku on a dream of 11-13-06. This dream/ku actually was only a very small fraction of a science fiction story that I was writing in the dream. A future human race that had colonized a far planet had evolved without amygdalae. Which meant they had no emotions but that they were tremendously clairvoyant. In the story I was planning to explore what possibilities there were for an intimate relationhip between the main character -- a human from old earth with an amygdala, and an amygdala-less but clairvoyant man. Both with their weight of "ghosts" -- the former trailing the emotional past and the latter pulled forward by the formless future. BTW, this was before I knew anything of the amygdala's relationship to emotions. I envied the clairvoyant race a bit in the dream. And I do still sometimes feel a brief bit of envy over folk who apparently (operative word: apparently) have a far less intense emotional life and struggle therewith than I do. Image by Roswila -- note that vague lemniscate in the middle top clouds; the clouds low down middle were vaguely rainbow colored]
August 18, 2010
LEARNING TO DANCE
we need to disarm
the triggering system
desire for safety
during our new performance
with skilled and unskilled dancers
we disconnect three
small round black and white eyes
palpable relief
the mood pops awareness of a backup trigger
[a tanka, dreamku, and monoku on a dream of 8-17-10. Ain’t it the truth? Just get relaxed and feeling safe (inwardly or with another person or persons) and some other defense alarm sounds off. Image by Roswila]
August 19, 2010
WITHHOLDING
he wants me to read
The Tarot cards for him
this mobster Don Juan
his black eyes narrow
as he whispers his demand
“The truth, only the truth”
about the three concerns
he has on mind to address
and that’s all he’ll say
even though I can only
read The Tarot not
his dark anxious mind bearing
so many tangled secrets
his withholding will be his loss I start shuffling
[a dreamku and three tanka on a dream of 8-18-10. Image by Roswila]
August 20, 2010
DISTANCING
separation from him
necessitates I pummel him
distance achieved
my guilty feelings
he hands me brand new shoes
for my trip downstairs
they won’t fit why would I accept them anyway
[two dreamku and a monoku on a dream of 8-18-10. Image by Roswila -- this is an Isla Vista house that UCSB students rent rooms in; it's barely a block from the sea and maybe six blocks from where I live]
August 21, 2010
STAR-CROSSED HOOKUP
their attraction is strong will either make a move
he asks her to join
him on his investigation
she’s not dressed or packed
female friends of his
sidetrack her with a subtle trick
she’s abandoned nude
she calls him for help
and to report their betrayal
his own emergency
with his sick son and ex-wife
clearly takes precedence
the sound of water
splashing in a bath tub
he submerges his
unconscious blond toddler son
to bring down his high fever
next rescue his ex-wife cool water cradle
[two dreamku, two tanka, and a monoku on a dream of 8-18-10. Image by Roswila]
August 22, 2010
THAT SINKING SENSATION
surprise! the rich
spoiled teenage boy was treated
for booze and drugs
he makes sarcastic
comments about the therapists
laced with wild stories
of what fun his last binge was
my stomach sinks with sorrow
[a dreamku and a tanka on a dream of 8-22-10. Image by Roswila]
August 23, 2010
KIDS’ PLAY
the theatre actors
offer a wide range of games
and activities
the wooden floor boards creak
as children come and go
our two small kids
hold back cautiously
gigantic costumes
in loud colors on some actors
swirl unpredictably
we hear of a game
that will put black and white stripes
all over kids’ hands
only temporarily
with a small effort and no pain
to assure my child
I say I’ll do it with her
we choose striping gloves
hot water appears
instructions to pick one hand
to dunk and dye
and not to let the water
cool too much by each bowl
I choose what I think
is a left hand glove to wear
it has six fingers
once on I see
it's a right hand glove – leave it
to me to get it wrong
even when offering help --
I quickly switch hands
[dreamku and tanka series on a dream of 8-23-10. In my personal dream vocabulary the theatre often symbolizes the drama of the alcoholic family, and/or denial. I think both of those inform this dream. But the single biggest input may be all the right and left brain/neuroscience reading I’ve been doing. Seems to be some attempt to calm and reassure a kid aspect of myself, and clearly not yet coming from the right place or brain hemisphere. Could not stop wondering about that six-fingered glove. It was tugging at something. So I googled and was reminded that some ancient symbols -- such as that of a six-fingered hand -- were considered particularly effective in warding off malignant influences. Hm! Image by Roswila]
August 24, 2010
haunting images
refuse to leave my side
during the day time
long lost relationships salt
my dreams with a wish to forget
The above photo is a very new one. (Is that palm smoking or just growing a ghostly new frond?) Here's another shot below. I'm not sure which I like best. Possibly this second as the cloud is a bit more defined:
[Above images by Roswila]
August 25, 2010
PUELLA/PUER
curly auburn hair
frames his handsome young face
trainee watchmaker
he tapes a list of gold notes to
his side of a plate glass window
“1790
to 1853"
records his life span
meaning he’s sixty-three
and choosing to remain young
“Jewish of the Jewish
faith” indicates that he’s
both born within and
deciding to be faithful to
the Jewish tradition
will his pursuer
finally comprehend
this eternally young
and bright magnetic man
is not the right partner
[four tanka on a dream of 8-20-10, written 8-24-10. As I wrote the above series on the dream last night I clearly saw either the Jungian concept of the Puella Aeternus or the Puella Animus. Here’s a link to the Wikipedia page on these Puer/Puella concepts. Very simply put the Puella (Aeternus or Animus) is an immature male aspect of the female psyche, though like “all archetypes, the puer [puella in the woman] is bi-polar, exhibiting both a ‘positive’ and a ‘negative’ aspect. The ‘positive’ side of the [puella] appears as the Divine Child who symbolizes newness, potential for growth, hope for the future.” The negative exhibits a sense that for “the time being one is doing this or that, but whether it is a [wo]man or a job, it is not yet what is really wanted, and there is always the fantasy that sometime in the future the real thing will come about.... The one thing dreaded throughout by such a type of [wo]man is to be bound to anything whatever.” Common dream symbols for this archetype are dreams of being bound, chained, or imprisoned; note this dream man is behind a plate glass window. Peter Pan is a classic example of a Puer figure and I’ve had many dreams of him. (Though I will note in later years Wendy also actually appeared. Image: "Not the Last Unicorn" by Roswila]
August 26, 2010
THE WIZARD CAN WAIT
we enter the store
not at all sure if we’ll shop
sunny day at the mall
I’m surprised when she
puts her arm around my waist
just an acquaintance
we start belting out
“We’re off to see the Wizard...”
she sings alto quite well
as I fumble through the
melody I thought I knew
no shame, no blame, she
can’t recall the tune either
ambling along
we laugh and look around the Wizard can wait
[three dreamku, a tanka, and a monoku on a dream of 8-25-10. Image by Roswila]
August 27, 2010
THE FIRST PAIR
I
loneliness less risky
I fly up to avoid the truth
in her pale eyes
the night sky echos all around
like a familiar tunnel
II
he’s a detective
and supposedly my friend
group gathering
his verbal betrayal
in front of everyone
stuns me speechless
he then reports others’
negative takes on me
terrible deep hurt
and hot bloody anger flood
in nauseous waves
I clear my head long enough
to gather my wits
no wish to defend
or explain myself remains
I will leave them all
[three tanka and two dreamku on two separate dreams of 8-26-10. Image: "Subrosa" by Roswila]
August 28, 2010
LEFT AT THE ALTAR
a man I don’t like
offers to marry me
I say yes to him
as friends have prepared it all
and I’d been left at the altar
we reschedule
and I start getting re-dressed
not much time left
a handsome friend comes in
to talk about the wedding cake
he tells me that
two more of my good male friends
have arrived in time
I rush and follow him out
to the office wedding space
my substitute groom’s a no-show too my amusement
all my friends and I
go on with the reception
affection abounds
[three tanka, a monoku, and a dreamku on a dream of 8-27-10. The amusement in the dream is still with me. My take in a Jungian sense is that this is about the “inner marriage” we go through in becoming more whole, more “individuated.” Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit it seems I’ve failed at this most important inner task twice! By the way, I recall reading that the “inner bride groom” or was it the animus – this whole post is making me feel silly :-D – often appears in dreams as a somewhat negative character, though usually more criminal than just unliked. (Boo-hoo, I can’t even have a correct inner bridge groom or animus image.) At any rate, I’m twice the failure at making this marriage. Image: "Waltz of the Brides" by Roswila]
August 29, 2010
the free piles of clothes:
are we stealing if we need
and take so many
[dreamku on a dream of 8-28-10. Image by Roswila]
August 30, 2010
WHO CARES
the recording’s complete
it will play when needful
in the garden planter
hidden beneath white flowers
it waits fully rewound
time has come
the recording plays completely
as designed to do
it’s warning clear in the twilight
did you rewind I ask the man
of course not I think
and reach into the planter
the tape whirrs backward
he could not care less
about the time, expressing
interest only
in the woman in the house
hiding behind the curtains
she doesn’t like to be seen he says who cares I think
[three tanka, a dreamku, and a monoku on a dream of 8-29-10. Image by Roswila]
August 31, 2010
CENTER STAGE
Barack Obama
at a high school recital
packed auditorium
he speaks fluently
from a wood podium
students in tutus
flutter excitedly on stage
they ask Obama
to join them in their new
exercise-ballet routine
he quite quickly learns
the choreography
from the all girl group
his moves not quite graceful
his legs revealing tension
[three tanka on a dream of 8-30-10. I felt like I had a grip on this dream as I was writing the dreamku but now I’m not so sure. I’m beginning to think it’s about staying in “learner’s mind,” if you will. And coping with my inevitable perfectionism. Also, some urging here to exercise, in whatever way I can. Exercise is actually “center stage” of this dream. Image by Roswila]
* * * *
‘til next time, keep dreaming,
**** [aka: Patricia Kelly] **** If you wish to copy or use any of my writing or poems, please email me for permission (under “View my complete profile”)****My other blogs: ROSWILA’S TAROT GALLERY & JOURNAL and ROSWILA’S TAIGA TAROT, and Yahoo DREAMJIN: Group for Dreamku – Haiku-Like Dream Poems ****
posted by Roswila @ 4:52 AM
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