THE PETITIONER (photo) & WHAT MATTERS INNOCENCE (a dream) by Roswila

WHAT MATTERS INNOCENCE

though I’m rather sure I’m not responsible for having killed
the woman, I rush around my dark, wood-paneled old
apartment in a high panic, trying to figure out where to hide
the body (at least for now) and how? (as is? swaddled somehow?
boxed?); I quickly decide on boxing up her stiffening body
and immediately get nauseous at an image in my mind of her
being cut into sections; hey, I’ll hide her to keep from being
charged with her murder but that’s as far as I’ll go; even though
I’m more and more certain I’m not responsible for her death,
I recognize that the situation casts me in the light of killer; ah!
perfect! a large empty carton! I wrestle the body (limbs are
amazingly stubborn and heavy when being forced from their
steadily stiffer positions) into the old shipping carton and shove
the now full box, inch by painful inch (I might as well be
entering rigor mortis myself, with all the loud arthritic popping
and cracking going on) to the bathroom, off of which are two
large, well-hidden storage closets, praying all the while there
will be enough room left in one of them among all the junk
I’ve shoved into them over the years (outta sight, outta mind,
you know); good, good, one thing may actually be going my
way, there’s room in the closet on the left side; I barely have
time to close the panel door and savor the relief with a big
sigh before I begin worrying again; I won’t be able to leave
her there long, odor will be a (pardon the morbid pun) dead
give away very soon; so, how can I permanently and safely
dispose of the body; images of it being hack-sawed rise again
and I instantly dismiss them, clamping down on the rising
nausea, while I think: an ocean dump? an earth burial? sigh,
they both require so much additional planning, not to
mention the physical labor for my own rapidly deteriorating
old body; maybe I’d actually do better to just out her
boxed body and take my chances with the law and courts,
after all (though it hasn’t mattered a hell of a lot in other
situations in my long life) I am innocent


[first of two dreams of 8-28-19. I will probably post the last dream of that evening tomorrow. It’s very clearly related to this one. An image in the last one goes back overtly to the 1950’s, which is when my mother died (I was 10). Over the years I wondered if my father had killed her, and also at times, myself, in some way. (And my father once admitted to me, when I was a middle-aged adult, that he felt awful for having secretly blamed my brother for her death. It’s an awfully sad comment on my relationship with my father, but that was the only truly deep and honest sharing we ever had.) I’m reminded of the Catholic concept of original sin here. There’s no escaping it. In any case, I haven’t wrestled this deeply with the issue of guilt/sin in a long time. Nor with being forgiven/forgiving (that comes up in the other dream I’ll post tomorrow.) Omigosh! I just associated trying to dispose of the dead woman, with a struggle I’m having trying to decide out how to rid myself of a Triple Goddess statue I have. Lotsa guilty feelings involved as it was given to me by a good friend, and it is of a Goddess. One I used to revere, back in the day when I was doing that sort of thing. But I no longer relate to it and it’s quite cumbersome (and I’ve always thought, an unfortunately poor rendering) and I don’t just want to store it on my already full shelves … etc., etc. This association is not to trivialize the dream. But to show a probable source in day memory of the image and feelings the dream uses and expands deeply upon. Photo “The Petitioner” (Archival Pix 6-11-09 2105e) by Roswila]

PLEASE NOTE: in most browsers you can click on the above image for a larger version. Also, the photo accompanying a post is not necessarily meant to illustrate it, but to reflect some small, even slant aspect of the verse, similar to Japanese haiga (illustrated haiku).

There are many other sorts of posts on this blog. I indicate which are about or influenced by dreams. Some non dream focused posts are book reviews, "regular" poems (some by other writers), scifaiku, writing exercises, Tarot haiku, photos, haiga, and so on. However, most of those are in much older posts. There's a listing by month going back to early 2006, at the end of the sidebar.

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until next time, keep dreaming,





[a/k/a Patricia Kelly]
**** If you wish to copy or use any of my writing or poems, please email me for permission (under “View my complete profile”). Roswila's other blog (dedicated to her photos only, i.e. no poetry or other writing; daily post); TRYING TO HOLD A BOX OF LIGHT.